Journal #3 – Time Is Money…And I Always Feel Broke

I apologize for being away for a full 5 days. I am quite a workaholic, which I consider to be one of my best and worst qualities. It’s always good to keep busy and remain active. However, I also tend to load too much on my back which usually causes my focus to become unstable. For instance,  I’ll feel dissatisfied if I finish a chunk of school assignments, but don’t ever get to my poetry, art, or any other side projects. Its something else I have to work on mentally. I have to work on prioritizing and understanding why its important to do so. I mean hey…being only a few weeks removed from graduating college with a Bachelor’s, its a MUST to do this schoolwork. I feel this dissatisfaction and frustration sometimes comes from seemingly not having the time to do everything I’d like to do. With the massive amount of stuff I look into and take part in, it would be an impossibility to complete them all within the span of a day. Heck…I’ve got anime lists and albums on my Spotify and local library I have yet to get to. Lord knows I probably won’t even be able to get to all of that stuff if I had an entire month to myself to do whatever I wanted. In some aspects, I feel I need to lighten the load. In others, I feel I just need to exercise better patience. As I play the track “Step By Step” by the Alan Parsons Project, I remind myself that life is quite the mountain to climb. As long as I continue to live, move, and grow, I’ll eventually reach the peak, even if it involves taking life with small steps and chunks.

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“If there’s one thing I hate…all the clocks, clocks, clocks, CLOCKS!”                          Image by lamaksstalk

All in all, if I’m gonna spend time, I’d at least like for something to come out of it. My uncle once said something to me, that I’ve held close to my mind and heart ever since.

“If you go through an entire day and learn nothing new, you’ve just wasted it.”

Upon hearing him say this to me, those days in which my Mom would constantly ask what I learned in school seemed less annoying and made all the more sense. I always think of my uncles words whenever I find myself snared in a directionless, dry, insipid conversation. I was talking with Mom the other day as news outlets continued to report on the death of legendary musical icon Prince (God rest his soul). When hearing close friends, fellow musicians, associates, and other loved ones speak on how enigmatic he was even outside of his musical craft, Mom told me she’d love to have more people like that in her life. People that could help elevate, teach, and be more thought-provoking her mind. I’m pretty much the same way. Conversation may have endless roads as there are an endless assortment of minds that walk about this world. Nevertheless, most if not all should garner the same thing: some level of obtaining knowledge or what say you that helps you and others. When I have discussions/conversations, I endeavor to learn. I desire to take something back with me that I didn’t have before, as do I hope I can do for those whom I connect with.

I had another lengthy yet fascinating discussion with my good friend/Sensei, about this very same thing plus more. He expressed issues with how people, in some aspects specifically black people (“our people” as he’ll usually put it) can sometimes be numbed to what goes on around them in terms of communication. This all stemmed from a discussion about groups that identify as communities, but do not act or conduct themselves like one. For some reason, there is less of a desire among the masses to work together to achieve more. Instead, people are just bent on separation and somehow see that as a wonderful thing. People, especially nowadays, love to try to utilize history to justify many foolish things from violence to social standards. To which I usually rebut, in the case of some of these things, just because they were the standard back then does not particularly make them right. There have been numerous figures that have died and sacrificed themselves in fighting against such things that were unjust. No matter how you attempt to spin it, I’ve never seen division as much of a positive thing. I mean, yeah there are times even I want to separate myself from most people. At the same time, in doing so (especially in the case of spite), you’re cutting down and destroying bridges which is never really a great thing to happen. I’m not saying get all lovey-dovey with every person you pass. You can love someone from a distance, as it has been said about when respecting one’s “enemies”. Separation sometimes brings about weakness, especially with the possibility of turning the separated parties against one another.

I just noticed I’ve actually veered way off from the initial topic of time. However, you can see that from these conversations, I’ve come away from them with something quite considerable. Now that I know much more and better, I desire to do more and better. I also love it when I engage in conversation with someone totally random. Granted I only really talk to strangers if I feel friendly, non-malicious vibes, there have been times strangers have provoked my mind. As I mentioned earlier, there’s a myriad of minds out there. You just never know what someone could present to you. If I could set aside as much time I wanted for such intricate, wise, beautifully complex minds, I’d give a lifetime’s worth.

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R.I.P. Prince Rogers Nelson ( June 7, 1958 – April 21, 2016) [Artwork by igot2ne1problems.tumblr.com]

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